cough syrup is delicious

so i'm doing the dishes and started thinking about some horrible terrible things...

i'm scrubbing this encrusted cheese off a frying pan and i began thinking about all the times i've scrubbed burnt cheese off a frying pan and how many times i'll have to do it again cause i just love melting cheese on things.

then i began thinking about this girl i know and how she has spent her whole dating career in relationships with men who control her every move and how even her current man happened to keel over dead after ingesting some rat poison soaked steak, i'd only see her a couple months later with another overbearing male. i wish i could give her the strength to kick these jerks to the curb and become the man hating bitch she once was...

and i thought about this guy i know and how lately he's been having trouble getting laid for some strange reason and how awesome it would be if i had a bunch of money so i could buy him a hot ass japanese hooker to ease him of his throbbing neglected balls. this made me think of how many other people out there can't get laid for one reason or another and just how many aching balls and vaginas i pass by on a daily basis, all itching to get jerked off...it's sad really....

the phone rang and it was this stupid stalker jerkbag who told horrendous lies about me and i told him to go eat a dick and i was reminded of all the dumb rumours i've heard about myself over the years and i laughed thinking about what a hideous beast i'd be if they were all true. i'd be a home wrecking bulimic heroin junky lesbian who jerks off stray dogs, drinks lamp oil for kicks, eats rubber cement, beats up cripples in wheelchairs for their hats full of change and stabs people with dirty AIDs needles (please don't believe anything you hear about me...they're all lies).

then i thought about the grocery store and those new convienient self-checkout lanes and all those people who've lost their jobs and the fact that these damn machines are ruining my chances of ever becoming a grocery clerk which would be one possible way of getting money to pay a japanese hooker for my sex deprived friend.

i thought about my dog popper and how awesome they were and how all the best bands always die fast after only a few amazing songs and how shitty bands like metallica go on and on for ages polluting our ears with their vile crap and make stupid fuckin' documentaries about how hard it is to be metallica and keep writing their awful ugly music.....FUCKIN' FUCK OFF AND DIE ALREADY!!!!! that stupid documentary has been on everyday for a week and i'm damn sick of seeing lars ulrich complaining everytime i change the channel...

anyways, i thought about a lot of things...did a lot of dishes and drank a lot of cough syrup. i think my cold's gone now.